ORD-FRA (UAL Round Trip) Depart Arrive
ANGEL Use Free Ticket 7/16 – 6:20p 7/17 - 9:45a
CINDY Use Companion Pass 7/16 - 6:20p 7/17 – 9:45a
MAURICE Use Free Ticket 7/19 - 2:30p 7/20 - 5:45a
HEIDI Use Free Ticket 7/19 - 2:30p 7/20 - 5:45a
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FRA-ROME (LUFTHANSA Round Trip) Depart Arrive
ANGEL Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/17 – 11:50a 7/17– 1:35p
CINDY Mileage Plus Round Trip “E” ticket 7/17 – 11:50a 7/17 – 1:35p
MAURICE Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/20 – 7:00a 7/20 – 9:00a
HEIDI Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/20 – 7:00a 7/20 – 9:00a
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TIMELINE OF THINGS TO DO WHILE IN ROME AND ELSEWHERE IN ITALY
ROME (7/20/04)
Rent Renault Scenic from Sixt, Pick up Angel, Cindy at Miro’s. Lunch at Ostia. (Miro might come along!)
Visit Babbo at the cemetery (If Miro comes along, disregard his directions and driving suggestions)
Pass by the Colosseum for a quick photo.
Get robbed quickly of all worldly possessions!!!
Proceed to Piazza Venezia police dept for the obligatory “denuncia di furto” (leave Miro with the car – he’s done enough damage already!)
After a few hours go back to Miro’s and reluctantly view tacky photos of some young floosies!
Go back to the Piazza Venezia to help the police dept. with the investigation…
Got to bed exausted from the day’s happenings but try to sleep… if possible..
ROME (7/21/04)
Get up early for the obligatory visit to the American Embassy on beautiful Via Veneto for the
customary release of not so complimentary brand new passports.
Get at least one parking ticket and keep it as a Souvenir of “Piazza Liguria”.
Avoid Miro and split from his place as fast as one can!!!
Find a new place to stay for the night.
Go back to Monte Mario, pack as fast as possible and tell Miro (possibly in a way that will not offend him) that he really sucks as a human being….so we have to get the fuck away from him NOW!!!
Go back and forth to Fiumicino to get brand new shining flight tickets but also just for the sheer beauty of the drive.
On the way, occasionally motorcyclists like to fly into the side of cars. If that happens, they usually wave at you to tell you how exhilarating that feels…wave back to communicate that it was good for you too…
Get to bed exausted from the day’s happenings but try to sleep… if possible..
ROME (7/22/04)
Get up EARLY for another visit to Fiumicino. This time to observe this airport in the darkness and gradually being bathed in the first warm rays of dawn (sigh).
Go back to the hotel and fall asleep exausted from the early morning sights.
After a few purchases drive to the spectacular Amalfi Drive. Try to time your arrival in Positano with any possible forest fire. Everyone knows how beautiful this area is but very few have seen it bathed in suffocating orange/red smoke.
Go all the way to Sorrento but remember: There is no parking anywhere so just drive around town until you find a place to buy a couple of really expensive floaters and get back on the “Costiera Amalfitana”.
Eat at “La Brace”, in Minori and get back on the tortuous drive for Salerno in the dangerously captivating darkness of night.
Drive all the way to Lagonegro (Approx 2 hrs). Hopefully find a place to stay at the mercy of locals.
At the advise of the locals, also drive to the “Amalfi”-like coast and find a beach to relax and spend 2-3 hrs. Enjoy!
When sufficiently relaxed start driving towards Reggio Calabria not on A3, but as advised, on a slower“superstrada”.
When approaching the “superstrada” try not to look at that old, faded “STOP” sign printed in the Inclined roadway…you can only see it when you’re on top of it anyway…instead proceed across to where everybody is pointing and GET CREAMED BY ANOTHER CAR WHOSE DRIVER THOUGHT YOU WERE A MIRAGE AND THEREFORE SLOW ING DOWN IS NOT AN OPTION…NOBODY LIKES THOSE UGLY SKID MARKS ANYWAY!
While being “creamed” DO NOT be distracted by Cindy’s antics…she’s such a pussy anyway…just proceed the best you can towards this lonely camper parked in the shade in front of a cement wall…in an area where no one would normally park…
Thank the couple inside later for being there in the right place at the wrong time.
Send Cindy to the hospital, back to Lagonegro …she’s such a pussy anyway…and send Angel along to MESMERIZE the hospital doctors and others with the Italian translation of what has happened during the last two days. Warn her that her listeners might be skeptical and incredulous…
Spend a few more hours struggling with the car rental company for a substitute in Lagonegro.
Spend the rest of the time saying to yourself “WHAT THE FUCK!!!” a lot!
Pick up Cindy and Angel at the hospital and go back to the hotel you left in the morning.
Be prepared for those skeptical and incredulous listeners when you try to explain…they think you came back for some eyeglasses you left there.
Get a pizza...maebe two…a beer…go over the events of the day then go to bed and try to get some sleep… if possible..
LAGONEGRO - ROME (7/23/04)
Get up at a reasonable time and get really outta Dodge this time… As you leave Lagonegro, keep Angel and Cindy, the perennial tourists, from noticing the stone depicting the tragic death of Mona Lisa from a virus contracted in Campania… AND the local market….If that is not possible, among the strains of the song “Hotel California” (a more that reasonable comparison to Hotel San Nicola) make an illegal U turn and get back into town. This market does offer great foods and the stand owners there know a thing or two about evil-eye or “Malocchio” as they call it. They will even offer some explanations and ways to avoid misfortune in the future!
After the ‘must buy” at the bread shop get out of Dodge.
Get on A3…do not pass go…do not stop…just head for A1 and to Rome and all it’s splendor…
DO NOT call Miro.
Make arrangements to spend at least another day at the beach.
DO NOT check the weather report.
If the weather does not cooperate (Highly unlikely, given the uninterrupted sunshine of the last two months) try a side trip to Nettuno and S. Maria Goretti.
Say a prayer , have a bite, head back to Rome. On the way , try to time your arrival in Torvaianica with the afternoon opening of the local market. It is known, among other things, for a wonderful selection of foods, including fresh sausage sandwiches. After smelling the appetizing "salciccia" frying in a skillet, and seeing a little dog playing in a nearby cage, it will be immediately apparent why some "tourists" lovinly refer to the animal as "Il cane dell'uomo della salciccia" (try to erase that from your mind!!!).
Also, while driving spend the the time saying to yourself “WHAT THE FUCK!!!” a lot!. At last, Rome by Night…dash quickly between Fontana Di Trevi and Piazza Di Spagna then go back to the hotel (by 1:30am, if possible) and pack for a 4:30am departure, once again to Fiumicino in the cold light of morning.
But first get to bed exausted from the day’s happenings but try to sleep… if possible..
ROME(7/24/04)
Get to Fiumicino before 6:am and follow modified return paths below.
In Frankfurt pay no attention and do not complain about the incompetency and stress level of the UAL gate crew. Those poor slobs have their work cut out….
Before departure on the Frankfurt/Chicago flight , be a gentlemen and exchange your “BUSINESS” class seat with a late arrival for a “coach”, middle of the plane accommodation.
Again, do not complain about the incompetency and stress level of the UAL gate crew.
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CATANIA-ROME (ALITALIA) Seating available because three passengers
ANGEL One way ID90 at UAL FRA Counter were a no show.
CINDY One way Positive space Ticket
MAURICE One way ID90 at UAL FRA Counter
HEIDI One way ID90 at UAL FRA Counter
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ROME-FRA (LUFTHANSA Round Trip) Depart Arrive
ANGEL Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/28 – 7:00a 7/28 – 9:00a
CINDY Mileage Plus Round Trip “E” ticket 7/28 – 7:00a 7/28 – 9:00a
MAURICE Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/28 – 7:00a 7/28 – 9:00a
HEIDI Round Trip ID95s at UAL FRA Counter 7/23 – 7:00a 7/20 – 9:00a
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FRA_ORD (UAL Round Trip) Depart Arrive
ANGEL Use Free Ticket 7/28 – 12:45p 7?28 - 3:30p approx
CINDY Use Companion Pass to ORD 7/28 – 12:45p 7/28 - 3:30p approx
MAURICE Use Free Ticket 7/28 – 12:45p 7/28 - 3:30p approx
HEIDI Use Free Ticket 7/22 – 12:45p 7/22 - 3:30p approx
